


Thank you for the Pornography!

by AmeliaDogwood



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Gabriel is clueless, I mean they're watching porn but it's not eleberated on, Implied Sexual Content, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), It just makes them awkward, Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), Not Beta Read, Other, no actual sex though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 04:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19985833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmeliaDogwood/pseuds/AmeliaDogwood
Summary: "Do you even know what pornography izzzzzz?” they asked raising an eyebrow.“Of course I do!” he replied confidently but secretly hoping he wouldn't have to elaborate.“Then what izzzz it?” they asked folding their arms.Drat.(AKA) Where Gabriel finally learns what pornography is.





	Thank you for the Pornography!

**Author's Note:**

> All you people on the Good Omens Facebook page, you asked for it lol  
> Also this is my first Ineffable bureaucracy so y'all let me know what you think!

It had been almost a year since the failed apocalypses and both Heaven and Hell had still been keeping an eye on their traitors though they had only recently felt it was safe enough to confront them personally to make sure they weren't a further threat. Which is why Gabriel had found himself back at the bookshop. He was alone this time so he didn't have anyone to prompt him but he remembered the lines. Buying a book, needing to go into the back because it was pornography all that stuff. 

He felt he had done his job well and Aziraphale hadn't seemed openly hostile so he counted it as a success. “Thank you for the pornography!” he yelled as he left the shop for good measure. He then turned around and nearly jumped but did his best to keep composer. “Beelzebub, what are you doing here?”

“Same as you I zzzzzuppose. Do you even know what pornography izzzzzz?” they asked raising an eyebrow.

“Of course I do!” he replied confidently but secretly hoping he wouldn't have to elaborate.

“Then what izzzz it?” they asked folding their arms. 

Drat. 

“Well... humans are very emberised about it,” he started. “And it's in books, and-” 

“You don't do you?” 

When he didn't answer right away Beelzebub grabbed his arm and started pulling. “Unhand me, you foul demon!” he said staying in place but at the same time not making any significant effort to pull his arm free. With a roll of their eyes Beez snapped their fingers and transported them both to a hotel room with a large TV. 

“What are we doing here?” he asked. 

“You're going to learn what pornography izzzzzz,” they said sitting on the edge of the bed, picking up a remote and scrolling though options on the screen. 

Gabriel was for his part still trying to convince himself that sitting down on the other side of the bed and not just transporting himself out of there was because this was going to be educational and certainly not for any other reason. They pressed a button and a video started playing. “What is-?” 

“Shh, juzzzst watch,” they said directing his attention to the screen. 

“Rued,” he said under his breath before directing his attention to the TV. 

It started out normally enough—or at lease what he assumed was normal as he wasn't really up to date on human entertainment—with a woman answering the door for a pizza delivery. “Now if this is about food I'm not- oh, that's... this isn't how this type of encounter is supposed to go, is it?” 

“Look at that, you're not as dense azzz you look,” they said with an eye roll. 

After a few more minutes Gabriel asked, “I don't understand though, from what I've seen humans enjoy doing those things, why would they just sit and watch them?” 

“Becauzzzz, some humans find it easier to do it if they watch someone else first.”

“I wasn't aware that they needed an instruction manual for that. I thought the All Mighty made the whole thing quite self explanatory.”

“Well humanzzz have gotten more.... creative over the years.”

“Yes I, uh, I can see that,” he said razing his eyebrows at a new position on the screen. “That... that can't be comfortable, can it?” 

“How should I know?” they said shrugging. 

“Well you're a demon. Haven't you done that before?” he asked gesturing to the screen. 

“Not like that,” they said sounding almost offended. “Even I have standeredzzzzzz.”

“Oh,” he said almost disappointed. “And what are-”

“Not you,” they said simply cutting him off. 

“How dare you imply-!”

“Fine then, what where you going to azzzzk then? And what reazzzon would you have for caring?”

“Well...” he wasn't sure how to answer that one. “Research...” he said when he couldn't come up with a better reason. 

Beelzebub folded their arms and looked over and him still waiting for an actual answer. 

“You're the one who wanted me to see this pornography!” he said deflecting when it was clear he wasn't going to get out of this without an answer. “Knowing you, you where probably just trying to temp me into something in the first place.” 

“Pleazzzz, I have plenty of less idiotic people I could temp.”

“I resent that,” he said still trying to get in the last word somehow. “And if you weren't trying to temp me why show me... that,” he said gesturing vegly to the TV. 

“Becauzzz I find your discomfort amuzzzing,” they said trying to sound smug. 

“Just amusing?” he asked. Oh, God, why had he asked that?

Nether where really paying any attention to the TV anymore and where both silent for a moment with only the sounds coming from the humans on screen.

“What elzzzz would you be?” they asked finally braking the silence. 

“I... I don't know,” he said not looking at them. Why did he seem to feel embarrassed? He shouldn't feel embarrassed. Least of all because of a demon. He could just leave—he should leave. But that would seem cowardly and he wasn't even really sure if he wanted to.

Beez snapped their fingers and the TV turned off. “Have you ever tried it? I mean not like that,” they said nodding to the TV. “But like, in general?”

“Not... not personally, no,” he said honestly. 

“Well then, maybe I could lower my standerdzzzz this once—it would be amuzzzzing.”

Gabriel's mouth went dry. “What makes you think I would be interested?” he asked.

“If you're not then leave,” they said simply leaning back slightly clearly challenging him. After he continued to stand there for a few minutes they gave him a smirk. “Come on, for research,” sarcasm thick in their voice. 

“Yes, yes for research,” he said nodding to himself. “Alright then.” 

“Exzzzzelent.”


End file.
